To dream of a Lifetime
by Marinne Karneval
Summary: One-Shot. The first time someone took notice of them, was after the battle in the Ark.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own D. Gray-Man

 **To dream of a lifetime**

" _The past is gone. It went by, like dusk to dawn. Isn't that the way. Everybody's got the dues in life to pay."_ – Aerosmith (Dream On)

 _-Dedicated to my Granny._

The first time someone took notice of them, was after the battle in the Ark.

Almost every member from the European Branch of the Black Order, were gathered in the Main Hall, waiting patiently for their Exorcists to arrive. It had been a very long and eventful mission, and to say that everyone was happy to hear it was over was an understatement. When they all entered through the door of the Ark, they had cheered and celebrated as if they had just won the war.

When Miranda Lotto's _Time Record_ was deactivated, chaos reigned in the European Branch. The exorcists were all sent to the infirmary to be treated immediately without any sort of delay, as ordered by Supervisor Lee. The place was hectic with nurses and doctors running around carrying bandages, medicines, saline solutions and even blood bags.

Once the chaos had calmed down, and the Exorcists were no longer in danger of dying from blood loss or infections, or whatever any injury they had sustained, a young nurse was the first one to take notice of them.

"Wha-what the…? I didn't know Master Walker had tattoos." whispered the confused brown-haired nurse. She gently traced them, admiring the curious lines over the white-haired Exorcist's shoulders.

"Colleen!" the young nurse whipped around to look at the angry face from an older woman

"H-head Nurse!" she squeaked nervously.

"What are you doing?" she asked sternly.

"I-I was checking on Mr. Walker, H-head Nurse. He has these strange marks on his arms."

"Marks?" the woman raised an eyebrow, doubting the girl's excuse.

"Yes!" she said and turning back to look at her patient, she gently uncovered the boy's torso. "See? I don't remember reading about them on his record."

The Head Nurse took a step closer, and her eyes widened in surprise. She had been the one to make Allen Walker's medical exam when he first joined the Order, and she was pretty sure she didn't missed those black tattoos.

"Colleen, call Supervisor Lee, please." She said as she began examining the tattoos.

"Yes, Head Nurse!" and she quickly left.

It wasn't difficult to find the Supervisor in the middle of the chaos going on in the infirmary. He was sitting right next to his sister, reading through some reports. As soon as she found the man, she quickly delivered the Head Nurse's message. The man quickly jumped to his feet, not caring one bit that the papers from his lap had fallen to the ground into a huge mess.

Komui Lee's heart was hammering hard on his chest, and worry gnawed at his heart as he quickly made his way to the white-haired Exorcist's bed. When he arrived, he saw the Head Nurse leaning over Allen's shoulders, looking closely and scribbling something over her clipboard.

"Matron." He called, and the older woman turned to look back at him. She nodded at the young nurse.

"Thank you, Colleen. Please go and check on Mr. Krory. Soon it's going to be time to change his I.V." The girl nodded and left.

"What happened?" the Chinese Supervisor didn't waste any time.

"You might want to see this, Supervisor." She said, stepping aside and showing him the same tattoos, just a few minutes ago she had been examining.

"What am I supposed to see? Allen's arm looks fine to me." He asked confused.

"So you have seen these marks before?" she said, just as confused as him.

"Well, I saw them earlier, right after they were taken here. Before Allen passed out and you all began to treat his injuries. Why?"

"He didn't have them before, Supervisor." She said sternly.

His eyes widened in surprise. "Wha-"

"I haven't seen them before. When we made him the exam after he joined the Order, he didn't have these marks, or tattoos, or whatever they are. He didn't had them either, after his mission from Martel, or Germany."

The man was speechless. "Dear Lord, how?"

"I am not certain, Supervisor. We would have to ask Walker when he wakes up."

It took Allen exactly three days to wake up, The young Exorcist looked at the illuminated ceiling in confusion, not really sure as to how or why he was in the infirmary. As a nurse was passing by, checking on the other Exorcists, she took notice of the white-haired boy trying to lift his upper body.

"Mister Walker, you are awake!" she said happily and went to check on him. With a hand, she gently pushed him back to lay down. "Please don't overexert yourself, and try to relax."

"Wha-what happened?" his voice was raspy from the lack of use.

"You were injured during your mission in Asia, Mr. Walker. You've been asleep for three days. Please stay here, I'll be right back." She quickly left in search of her boss and the Supervisor.

Allen laid still on the bed, breathing calmly as the memories from the past days came back to him. The trip to China. The meeting with Anita. Suman. Fighting with Tykki and having his heart pierced with a carnivorous butterfly. Waking up in the Asian Branch. Gaining back his Innocence and learning about the Ark. The fight with the Noah and the Akuma. Finding his Master and restoring the Ark. Coming back and Miranda's Innocence turning off.

" _Just like any other mission in the Black Order."_ He thought as he tried once more to lift himself.

"Walker! Stop that right now! If you as much as tear a small section of any of those stitches, I'll tie you to the bed and feed you through the I.V. for a whole week." he froze instantly recognizing the voice of the stern nurse, he turned to her with a sheepish look.

"Head Nurse, hello! How are you?"

"Don't try that charming smile with me, young man, it won't get you out of trouble." She glared at him, and Allen could only chuckle sheepishly.

"My apologies, ma'am. Thank you for healing me."

Her gaze softened. "You are welcome. But that doesn't mean you are off the hook." She said taking the clipboard from the foot of the bed and preparing her pen. Allen hanged his head in defeat.

"I tried at least, didn't I?" He smiled, and the woman smiled as well.

"Well then, how are you today?"

"Peachy, as if I haven't survived fighting Noahs and Akumas in the last few days."

She gave him an amused look. "Hmm. Do you feel any sort of discomfort?"

As the older woman continued with her examination, checking for any anomaly they might had overseen, a tall man was making his way to them. His usually pristine look was a tad bit messier. Rumpled white clothes, and not wearing his trademark white beret, Komui Lee looked as though he had just brawled someone at a bar. Finishing heavy amounts of paperwork in something similar to a marathon, would do that to a person.

"Allen!" he called with a huge relieved smile. The teenager in question smiled kindly at the man.

"Ah, Komui! It's good to see you."

"I'm so glad you are awake, Allen. We were worried about you. How are you feeling?"

"Alright, just a little tired and sore. But Head Nurse said I can go to the cafeteria and eat Jerry's food."

"You wish Walker. You'll be able to go to the cafeteria when I said so, and it won't be any time soon. "

"Alright." Allen sighed, resigned to his fate.

"Good. Now that Supervisor Lee is here as well, I would like to ask you about those tattoos you have, because according to your records there were not there before."

"Oh, these?" he pointed at the black marks on his shoulder. "I got them after Crown Clown was restored, I don't really know why they appeared."

Everyone believed it to be part of Allen Walker's Innocence's upgrade, part of the new design. They found it strange at the beginning, no one really getting used to the idea that innocent and kind Allen Walker had a set of tattoos, and of the quite peculiar shapes they. It was a set of arrow-like marks, forming a circle around the joint where the torso and the arm met. Something similar to a dot surrounded by a circle, who in turn were connected to the arrow. There were two other lines over the shoulder, with a sort of jagged shape; along with another black one circling the arm, right above where the blacked skin in the teenager's arm started.

Lavi teased him about them all the time, saying that their sweet Beansprout had reached his rebellious years, taking the advantage that Komui had even asked Allen to pierce his ears for the earring radio. The rest would laugh at those jokes. Lenalee joined sometimes, stating that some women, including some women Finders in the Order, found tattoos sexy. She giggled when her white-haired friend turned red in embarrassment and sputtered excuses.

But they were yet to find about the meaning beneath those black marks.

Allen hadn't believed his Japanese comrade when he told him one day:

"Don't be naïve, _Moyashi_. Those types of marks are far from simple looking and harmless." Kanda had given a serious look, before turning around leaving a surprised white-haired Exorcist behind.

Nor had he listened to his Master's warning.

"I didn't train you to be an ignorant fool, Stupid Apprentice. All marks have a deeper meaning, not just to make things pretty. Some even have dangerous and dark essences. Don't be foolish enough to ignore those marks, Allen."

But he hadn't listened, and it was right after the attack from the Level 4 to the Headquarters, when he noticed something strange. As soon as he had been released from the infirmary, he had gone directly to take a shower. Followed closely by the loyal, and ever present, blond watchdog of his, Inspector Howard Link.

As Allen was scrubbing himself clean, when he reached his left side, he noticed something different. The mark just below his armpit was fading away.

He blinked his eyes several times thinking that maybe he had seen wrong. He rubbed it several times, thinking that maybe there was some soap on it. There wasn't, the mark was fading.

"What in the bloody hell?" he whispered in confusion, dread building on his gut. A knock on the door and a loud voice, broke him out from his musings.

"Walker! Are you done yet? We have a meeting with the Supervisor and Inspector Leverrier in 20 minutes."

"We still have time, Link. Relax." He called back, not keeping his eyes from the mark on his body.

"You say that, but I believe you'll want to go for a 'quick snack', as you call it, to the cafeteria." Responded the annoyed Inspector as Allen chuckled.

"Why of course, I haven't really eaten Jerry's pies and dango's in a while."

Link sighed, "Just don't take too long, Walker. I don't think Inspector Leverrier would be happy that we are late… again."

"Yes, yes." Allen answered. "As if that man would ever feel happy about anything, especially with my presence." He muttered, looking back at the innocent looking mark. _"Maybe I'll ask Hevlaska or Master later about them."_

But because the Black Order was a magnet for tragedies and disaster, Allen wasn't able to speak about it with his Master. Because a mission and a week later, General Marian Cross was found dead on his room. It had been a shock to the Order hearing about the death of one of the most powerful Exorcists, much more to the fact that there was no body found and no evidence left behind by the attacker. A funeral was conducted on the man's honor, and the General's Stupid Apprentice had defended his Master's name, forgetting about the little issue with his tattoos entirely.

It was after their mission in France, after the incidence in Timothy Hearst's orphanage, when Allen finally remembered. He had been released from the infirmary again and decided to take a shower. Out of curiosity he looked back to the mark that had caught his attention, and his heart stopped at the sight.

The arrow-like mark had disappeared.

"H-how?" he whispered confused.

And then it clicked.

The white-haired teen's eyes widened in shock and the cold dread build up in his gut. His breathing became labored as panic and anxiety attacked him at once. He took his white locks between his fingers and pulled them.

"No, no, no, no. This can't be happening." He whispered furiously. He was staring to hyperventilate, most likely pass out as well. He lowered himself, until he was sitting on the floor, and he hugged his knees.

"Why?" Allen whispered like a lost child. He didn't knew how long did he stayed there muttering incomprehensible words and looking blankly at the feeling as the water poured over him. It could have been days, and Allen wouldn't care.

"It's not like it matters anymore." He whispered.

It was in the middle of the night, as a silent figure moved silently through the dark halls. The light shining from the moon illuminated the white locks and face from the young boy. His silver grey eyes looked ahead of him, not really seeing ahead of him.

He reached down a small tunnel, leading to a big chamber. The chamber was illuminated by a white light. The source? A beautiful white creature waiting calmly in the middle of the chamber. It was huge, greatly resembling a dragon with features of a human lady.

"Allen Walker." She said in greeting. He gave her a small smile.

"Hello Hevlaska, it's been a while. How have you been? I heard you were injured during the Level 4 attack back in the old Headquarters."

"Quite alright, it tired me greatly to keep the building from collapsing, and preventing them from getting to the Innocence pieces. How are you lately?"

"I'm gald to hear about it. I am... okay."he said lowering his gaze and shuffling his right foot nervously.

Hevlaska mused as the green crystal in the white-haired teen's hand glistened. "Crown Clown tells me, there's something troubling your mind, dear child."

Allen lifted his head to look at her, his eyes showing the fear growing inside him. Slowly he began unbuttoning his white shirt, taking it off. His pale skin glistened with the light coming from the dragon lady, who could only look curiously at the human boy.

"These… these marks" he spoke slowly, barely above a whisper. "… they are a timer, aren't they?" The woman didn't answer. "They are a r-reminder, right? Of how long I have until… u-until I cease to exist… right?"

He received no answer from the ancient creature for a moment until she too spoke in a sad whisper.

"Yes, Allen Walker."

The teenager lifted his head to look directly at the pupil-less white eyes of the dragon-like creature. "So, the longer I use this power… the less time I have left?"

"Indeed."

"B-but why now? I mean, I had had Crown Clown with me, all my life. He activated four years ago, why he is putting this on me until now."

"Parasitic-type feed on the energy of their Accommodators. The higher the synchronization rate, the more power you have. The more ene-

"Energy we'll need." Allen finished for her.

"Yes."

"That is… not fair. Why does it have to be me, Hev? Why did he have to choose me as his host?"

He got no response, except for Hevlaska's long tentacles gently taking him and lifting him. She pulled him close to her chest, as a mother would do to her child.

"Things happen for a reason, young one. Some of them we might not like them, but at the end of the day, everything will turn out fine. You were chosen by Crown Clown for a reason, Allen Walker, he saw something in you, that no one else had. Do not fret young one, your destiny is yet to be fulfilled."

"I know, the _Destroyer of Time_." Allen said in a sad voice. "But Hev, I don't want to be a destroyer. I thought I could change my destiny and be a destroyer who saves, but that won't happen. Not when I have the 14th memories inside of me, and have to kill someone I love, just like Master said."

"Prophecies are not always what we thought them to be. You won't know until you get there, young one. You have chosen your path, follow it and it will lead to wherever you are meant to be. But there is something you must know, Allen Walker, and that is that you are not alone, dear child. You have people who deeply care about you. And as so, your _Crown Clown_ will always be with you, no matter the circumstances. He will never let anything happen to you. He will never abandon you. He chose you for a reason, and he trusts you. So trust him back, and have faith."

Allen didn't answered, but Hevlaska could listen to silent sniffs coming from the teenager, trying to hold back the tears and sobs that threatened to escape. She held him close to him, for a while, until the teenager calmed down. She lowered him to the ground, and wishing Hevlaska a good night, the young Exorcist began walking back to his room.

As he was lying down that night on his bed, his mind was fighting an inner turmoil.

He didn't want to be a soldier fighting in a Holy War, which seems to have no end.

He didn't want to be a pawn for the Order to play with. For the higher ups, who only cared for themselves, to move at their selfish will.

He didn't want to fight anymore; didn't know what to believe in anymore. Allen Walker was just so… tired. Useless and vulnerable. Like a lost child in the middle of the cold winter searching for his way home.

He missed Mana, his dear father, who always looked ahead of him with a calm happy smile, not bothered one bit by the kind of problems ahead of them. He would laugh, would always managed to cheer him up. Always find the goodness in things and people, no matter how rotten they were.

He missed his Master, even if he would never admit it out loud or anyone. Marian Cross was a ruthless man, but Allen would be lying if he said he didn't care for the General. The man had always made sure to guide him in the right way, even if that method to do so was a cruel one, like hitting him in the head with a hammer.

Both Mana and Cross wouldn't probably be the best of guardians or father figures. One was insane and childish, and the other a womanizer smoking drunkard and cruel demon-like. But they had always been someone who Allen could rely to help him, and guide him.

" _You are not alone, dear child."_ Hevlaska's voice whispered in his ear as he felt back asleep, images of his friends passing by on his mind.

It was exactly two and a half years later, when all the tattoos disappeared from Allen Walker's body. Three days after the end of the Holy War, his body started to slowly shut itself.

It was his Japanese comrade and friend, whom he confided in, as soon as he noticed.

"You were right, you know? You and Master, you were both right. It was a mistake to take them for harmless." He said in a low voice. Giving one last sad look at the Samurai before he left the room.

"Tch. _Baka Moyashi_." Muttered Kanda, but the anger in the young man's voice did not match the sadness in his face and eyes.

When the changes began to manifest, his friends were worried sick. They tried to get the truth out of him, but he only gave them a sad smile and asked to accompany him to some other place for the evening. He finally confessed they day his arm stopped working and the plate he was holding felt to the ground.

They had cried. They had hugged the dear life out of him. He had just smiled at them. Repeating to all of them that everything would be alright.

His breathing became harder as the days went by. Sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night coughing or gasping for breath. Krory would always make him lemon tea with honey to help him. Miranda knitted him a scarf to help him prevent a harder case of pneumonia.

His legs were next. After years of running, jumping and landing hard on the ground, his knees and muscles began deteriorating. He could no longer walk with the grace of the 18-yeared old he was. Lavi and Lenalee had been the ones to buy him a silver and black cane, similar to the ones gentlemen in London used. Bookman, and surprisingly Chaoji, were the ones to help him with therapy for his legs. Komui, Reever and the rest of the Science Division made some supporters so he could continue walking.

His eyesight came last. As he slowly began having difficulty seeing ahead of him, Johnny was kind enough to provide him with a pair of glasses. When his eyes no longer worked, it was Timothy who walked with him in the park as his guide, and it was Link who read him in the afternoon along with a cup of tea.

"Aren't ya sad, Allen?" asked the now 11 years old Timothy Hearst. His hair was in his usual spiky appearance with two long pony-tails at the base of his neck. They were walking through the St. James Park, the white-haired had wanted to visit London and get the young French kid new skaters. Yuu Kanda was silently walking a few steps behind them.

"Why would I be sad?" he asked kindly, his cane clicking with every step he took.

"You are going to…" the kid struggled with the words.

"Die?" he asked kindly. The kid nodded, sniffs coming to Allen's ears. "Perhaps I should be, but surprisingly I am not."

"Why?"

"Maybe because I got the things I wanted in life."

"Huh?"

"I traveled around the world, and visited amazing places. I met many people, and I made such wonderful friends, who are now my family. I fought in a war, and we won. I fought the 14th and won my body. back Even if right now I need a walking stick, my left arm won't work, my lungs hurt and I am blind… I lived the life I wanted, the life I chose. And even if horrible things happened to me, they are nothing compared to the happy ones I have with all the people I care about."

Timothy stopped walking, and Allen did as well. He felt the young boy hugged him by the waste, burying his face on his coat, sobs suffocated by the piece of clothing.

"Do not cry, Timothy."

"But you are leaving us, you won't be here anymore. I'll be alone." He whispered.

Slowly, as his aching legs allowed him, he crouched down to the level of the young boy. Taking off his glasses, he directed his gaze to where he thought Timothy was. He smiled.

"You are not alone, little one." He said, repeating the same words he had heard from Hevlaska almost three years ago. "You will always have Emilia and General Klaud with you. So will be Lavi and Lenalee, and Krory and Miranda, and Marie. Everyone will be there. And I too will be here with you." The ex-Exorcist said poking the French kid in the chest. "Always."

"You promise?"

"Of course." He said smiling. He stopped for a moment listening quietly. "Now, I believe that a few meters in front of us is a small cart selling some candy apples, how about you go and buy some for you and me?"

"Sure!" he heard the hurried footsteps fading, and started to stand up. Strong hands took him by the arm and lifted him up.

"Thank you, _BaKanda_."

"You are such a troublesome person, _Moyashi._ "

"Aren't we all?" Allen chuckled. "It's true though. All of what I told Timothy, it's true, you know? I made mistakes, but I don't regret anything anymore. I kept walking forward, like I promise Mana. I won over the 14th, like I promised Master. I lived the life wanted, the path I chose. I will miss you all, but I am happy I met everyone."

Allen Walker died a month later, December 25th 18XX, during his sleep. His face showing such a serene expressions, their friends could only smile through the tears knowing their friend was finally free.

"… _sing with me, sing for the year,_

 _Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear_

 _Sing with me if it's just for today,_

 _Maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away."_

 **Author's Note. Thank you so much for reading, please review :) Also there is a reference for another of my fanfics** _ **"The man wasn't good, he was great"**_ **, if you are interested in reading. Well then, see you next time.**


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